There are times in your life where you feel forsaken. Where nothing is going right, in a big way. When desperate prayers go unanswered month after month. When you are convinced nothing good will ever happen again. Since December 23, 2008, that is how I felt. A little lost, a little desperate, insecure about the future and continuously wondering "Why, God? When, God?" Losing Webb was the
worst imaginable experience on Earth. Then
I had a traumatic miscarriage 7 months later that left me, in some doctor's minds, completely infertile. I thought to myself, "Why wouldn't God want me to have more children?" I didn't feel like He owed me a child, but I was confused as to why future children seemed impossible. Yet, a small, still voice kept whispering, "Wait on me," everytime I asked Him if another child was in store for us. I begged Him to take the desire out of my heart if He did not want me to have another baby, but the desire remained. In January 2010 I was lead to LA, to a magnificent doctor who was able to remove the scar tissue caused by my D&C, scar tissue doctors in Atlanta seemed skeptical could be removed. I thought that surgery solved al my problems; I was wrong. After three chemical pregnancies, more research and more prayer, I was able to get the doctors here to diagnose what I suspected all along--- that the infection caused by the miscarriage/ D&C was still present. Again, I was led to a wonderful doctor, this time in New York City, who was able to use a special antibiotic treatment, and my infection was gone. Two months later, I was pregnant again. But after four failed attempts, I did not get my hopes up. But ultrasound after ultrasound, appointment after appointment, I felt a calmness in my heart. The doctors were on high alert, telling me I was "high risk," and even saying a few times they thought my prior issues were causing placenta problems. I remained calm, knowing in my heart everything was going to be ok. Then, on November 28 at 9:45 PM, my precious miracle was placed into my waiting arms, and I felt.....blessed. She weighed over 8 pounds, and had the most beautiful scream I have ever heard. I looked into her eyes and knew I would never be the same, this time, in a good way. Am I still sad over losing my precious Webb? Of course, maybe today even more than almost three years ago. I know he is his sister's guardian angel; I am just sad she won't get to meet him in this lifetime. Having this child does not replace the one I lost. It does not mean my fears are gone. But seeing this miracle of life, God's greatest blessing, gives us hope. Hope for a future that seemed shaky these past three years. Hope that we will make it, despite all the odds. Bess Catherine Broach
November 28, 2011
9:45 PM
Eight pounds, Five ounces
19 3/4 inches
