Monday, June 6, 2011

Two years, five months, one week and four days

Sometimes it seems so much further away. Other times, it feels like it just happened yesterday. Here is where I am at two years, five months, one week and four days :

I’ll never get over it.

I can still laugh until my stomach hurts.

I still cry at the drop of a hat.

The people I love still save me every day, but only God can give me peace.

I have a new appreciation for everything.

Important things matter more; trivial things matter less.

I love bigger.

I am more afraid my kids will get sick, hit by a car, bitten by a snake or four thousand other possibilities that never crossed my mind before.

I am afraid I am forgetting little things about him.

At times, I struggle to keep it together.

I still wonder, “Why us?”

I still have hope.

I think we are going to make it.

Yesterday, the twins turned four. Whit asked me if he has two birthdays since he and Webb were born on the same day. I said we just have to celebrate double for Webb down here, but think of the party he’s having in heaven! He looked so sad. I had to excuse myself and cry. June 5 is a day of what could have been and what will be. We are so blessed by our precious Whit, and we miss Webb so fiercely it hurts. I can’t believe we’ve celebrated three birthdays without him. I long to see what he would have been like at age four. When I get to heaven, I hope he’s still 18 months and I get to watch him grow up. Does it work that way?

We have big things happening right now. We are having another baby! I want to tell you all the whole story, but I am going to save it for another post. I am fourteen weeks along, and so far everything looks good. Don’t even get me started on the fears I have been battling. I would sure appreciate your prayers for this sweet little soul we have already fallen head over heels in love with.


  1. Ash, I know every birthday is incredibly difficult without Webb, and I am so sorry! And I pray when you do get to see Webb he is only 18 months so you can watch him grow :)

    Congratulations on your exciting news! I am so happy for you and your family. I pray your pregnancy continues to go well.

    Much Love,
    Jennifer "Willson" Mautz

  2. Ashley!! Praying for you dear friend. Praying for peace and protection and joy for this pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    Megan Shirley

  3. Sweet heart is so full of love right now! I am beyond excited for you guys!!!! What WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL news. Praise God and many, many prayers being sent your way today and every day.

    Heather Rutherford

  4. I'm so thrilled to read this entire post. I love the honest updates, and very excited to hear about your fun news! I'm looking forward to updates!

  5. I have been praying for you since this post and have looked for updates, I hope that you will post sometime and let us know how you are doing.
    Been following you for almost 3 years now, and I will continue to pray for you and your family.
    The Lord bless you!

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