A Mother's Love

Yesterday was my birthday.  It was rainy and dreary in Atlanta, and that matched my mood perfectly.  I only celebrated one birthday with Webb, but his presence yesterday was missed to an unbearable degree.  I sobbed most of the morning, aching for him and wanting him near.  I feel so lost without that little peanut.  Most days I am still sad.  I am functioning, of course, but the sadness and heartache are very near.  Lately, some things have been reminding me of the hospital, and I truly hate reliving that horrible time.  It is gut-wrenching and full of agony.  My mother gave me a framed picture of Webb and me for my birthday present that has the following quote written on it:

"A mother's love is something that no one can explain; it is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain.  It is endless and unselfish and enduring come what may for nothing can destroy it or take that love away..."  Helen Steiner Rice  

I read that quote over and over last night, thinking of the new meaning those words have since Webb died.  Surely, most mothers never feel this level of pain or sacrifice, thank goodness.  Most mothers do not know what it is like to lose one of the precious extensions of their souls.  My endless love for my children extends out of this world and into the next, in a way most mothers will never understand.  That is not to say I love my children more than other mothers do, it is just that I have had a different journey of motherhood that makes me a different kind of mother to my children.  I still get frustrated when Bo whines or disobeys.  I still feel annoyed when I cannot get them to go to sleep or listen.  But I do not take one single second with them for granted.  I thank God every morning for their mere presence in my life.  I do not worry about what school they will go to, or whether they will be good at sports, or whether they will graduate at the top of their class.  Those things are simply unimportant to me now.  Perhaps that is the gift Webb's short life gave me - to love my children no matter what they do or what they become.  To know that the only important thing is that they are healthy and happy.  There is no sacrifice I would not make to ensure that happens.