Some wisdom

I had never looked at a blog until after Webb died, and I see what a huge world I was oblivious to.  One thing I am grateful for is the way this blog has been able for me to communicate with friends, family and acquaintances who knew of our tragedy as it was unfolding.  The newest thing I am grateful for are the people I never knew and never would have known that are also suffering through a great loss.  Thanks to all of you who have passed on websites of those who are going through similar situations.  Thanks to all of you who have shared your own similar situation.  I pray for all of you daily.  If I am able to help just one person relate to this horrible pain, this blog has been worth it.  For those of you who know someone going through a similar situation and are looking for wisdom, I have some thoughts to share.  Although I am still very early in my grieving, I know the things that have, and have not, helped as we have stumbled along this nightmare.  I know you do not know what to say to a person who has had their life ripped out from underneath them.  Many have told me they are afraid of saying the "wrong" thing.  Do not avoid them because you are afraid of this...especially if you were very close to this person before the tragedy.  That will make the grieving person feel very alone.  A simple, "I love you, I am so sorry," will suffice.  "I am thinking of you and praying for you," works too.  If you are a very close friend or family member, just be there.  Call, even if you know the person will not answer.  Send an email, share a story, send a text...just do not pull away.  No one is offended by prayers, love or support, however you present it.  We have been blessed to receive all of that tenfold since Webb died.  Others are not so lucky.  As far as "wrong" things to say go, there are a few.  :)  Don't say, "Because of you, I now know how blessed I am."  That does not bring comfort.  Don't say, "Because of you, I now hold my kids just a little tighter every day."  That is wonderful but does not bring a person who can't hold their loved one any comfort.  And don't say,  "If I were you, I wouldn't be able to ______(get out of bed, go to work, laugh, smile, carry on, go out to eat, go on vacation, live life, etc)"  You have no clue what you would do or how you would react, so don't pretend you would.  Also, it implies that person did not love their child as much as you do because they are going on with life.  Which, believe it or not, is what you have to do.  It is the hardest thing that person has ever done, rest assured.  Smiling is rare, and they do not want to feel guilty for doing so.  Getting out of bed is a big enough struggle and the griever is just doing everything and anything they can to get through the day.  For all of you I have been "introduced" to through blogging, I pray for you daily.  If you are a supporter of someone who is going through this unimaginable pain, just be there to listen, hug and offer support.  Don't ask what you can do, just do it.  That is the greatest gift you can give.