To My Boys...

I loved every one of you the minute I found out about you.  I can honestly say I did not understand what unconditional love was until I saw Bo for the first time.  I did not think it was possible to love anything that much....until I saw Webb and Whit.  I would sit in the rocking chair in your nurseries and hold you for hours.  Sometimes just one of you at a time, smelling your sweet baby skin, sometimes all three of you at once.  I remember the feeling of overwhelming joy the first time each of you smiled at me.  I remember looking at you, thinking, who was I before these boys were born?  I always heard you would die for your children, and I thought it too, but I never wanted so desperately to be able to die for one of you until I found out Webb had a brain tumor.  If it were possible to trade places with him, I would have done it without hesitation.  Bo and Whit, you are the reason I still get out of bed in the morning even though my heart is broken.  Webb, you are the reason I want to be a better mother and the thing I am most looking forward to about heaven.  Without the three of you, I would be empty and shallow.  Because of you, I believe there is a purpose to this life which has left me a changed person.  I would suffer a million heartbreaks to keep you safe.  If God had told me he would give me three children and take one at 18 months, I would have all three of you and endured the pain all over again just to have known Webb and taken care of him for that short time.  Was it long enough?  No.  Is life ever long enough to be with the people you love this much?  I don't think so.  I thank God for the privilege of being your mother.  It is my most important job and the one I love the most.  There are simply not enough words to explain the depth of my feelings for all of you.  Giving you life has saved my life.