Update

Jamelle is back, thank God!!  She is feeling much better, and we are all so glad she is going to be ok.  Thank you all for your prayers.  The boys were so excited to see her and spend time with her today.  I also took two big steps...Sunday was my first day back to church service, and Monday I went into work for the first time since December 23.  I only stayed a couple hours, and it was an odd experience, but it is done.  I would be lying if I said I am 100% ready to be back at work.  I am not sure I'll ever be ready, and the truth is, I am a different person than the one who walked out the door December 23.  But going back, starting over and trying to do something besides grieving is important to me.  It has been 9 weeks, and it was time to try.  I am taking very small steps, but I do feel like I have accomplished something huge.  Today, I also went to the cemetery for the first time in several weeks.  I have not felt compelled to go there much, as I know it is only Webb's body that is there, and his spirit is everywhere.  But today, I felt the urge to go, so I went.  I knelt down by his grave and sobbed for several minutes.  I talked to him and prayed for him and for us.  It was such a peaceful moment, but very surreal. "Am I really visiting one of my children at a cemetery?" I kept thinking to myself.  I looked at his name and the dates of his birth and death on the temporary plaque, and it still seemed as unbelievable as it always does.  Webb is gone.  The little name I picked out, my namesake, the name I wrote on pieces of paper when I was pregnant with the twins: "Webber Bennett Broach," is now etched in stone.  Is this really still happening?  I was telling a friend of mine today that I feel like I am clinging to a tree in the middle of a tornado.  I can only focus on the present, because anything farther away than an hour seems too overwhelming.  My mind is still processing the shock we went through this Christmas, and the shock is too huge to be gone yet.