This weekend

This weekend was a major step in the healing process for us.  Two of my very best friends are going through an exciting time in life: one is getting married and one is having her first child.  Yesterday, January 31, was the day our group of friends picked to host 2 showers, a baby shower in the morning and a wedding shower at night.  We picked the date in October.  Since December 26, I have been fearing January 31.  It was the first time I would have to make a decision about whether or not I was ready to leave the house, dress up and socialize.  Of course I wanted to go because I love hosting showers, and I love these 2 girls more than life itself;  I was just...scared.  Scared I wouldn't be able to stop crying, scared of the awkward conversation, scared I wouldn't laugh and enjoy myself as much as I used to on occasions like these.  For those of you who know me, you know my girlfriends are pretty amazing.  For being an only child, God has certainly made up for my lack of siblings by bringing the strongest and most beautiful spirits to be my best friends.  Many of those girls were part of the day yesterday, and I could feel them praying for me, watching after me, protecting me and willing me to make it through.  And I did.  Because of the prayers, I woke up in a great mood, dressed up and felt as though I was literally carried through the entire process.  I had so much fun celebrating with the bride and mother to be.  I laughed a lot, cried only a few times, and was reminded of the many blessings in my life and in the lives of the people I love.  January 31 came and went, and I can mark it in the column as a good day.  To me, that is a huge step.  It reminded me that although my soul is aching, I can still have good days.  And as incomprehensible as it is to think of life without Webb, it reminded me that life does go on, and we must go on with it.  

For all of our prayer warriors who have been praying for us and are reading this, please take a minute and lift up a prayer for my boys' second mother, Jamelle.  She has been with each of them since they were born and is such a special part of our family.  She loves the boys like they are her own, and the past 5 weeks have been as hard on her as they have been on us.  I ask especially for prayers today because she is has been ill with respiratory issues for the past week and is in the hospital right now getting tests, and hopefully, beginning the road to recovery.  We miss her so very much and need her in our lives, and I think she needs us too. ;)         

Thanks for praying for us and staying on this road to recovery.  Lately, I have been asking God to show me a purpose for all this pain, to help me keep Webb's memory alive, and to ensure his life mattered, not just to us, but to so many people, including those who never even knew his sweet soul.  Bo asked me yesterday if Webb was coming home soon, which he often does.  I try to keep my answers very real for him, since I realize his 3 year old brain cannot yet process where Webb is and that we believe we will see him again.  I never tell him that we will see him again because I don't think he's ready for that, and I don't want to confuse him and get his hopes up that Webb might any minute come home.  I was planning on explaining how we all meet up in heaven when he could comprehend a little bit more.  So I said, "No, sweetheart, Webbie isn't going to be able to come home.  And that makes me very sad because I miss him so much.  But we can talk about him and talk to Jesus and ask him to tell Webb we love him."  And he said, "But we will see him again.  We will see Webb."  And I said, "We will?"  And he nodded seriously and said, "Yes, when we meet Jesus, Webb will be there."  Thank you, Lord for the words out of the mouth of that child.  Only You could have told him that.  Thank you, God for that "sign" I always ask for.  When we meet Jesus, Webb will be there.  The most precious words my sweet Bo has ever spoken.