Praying

Yesterday marked one month since Webb' death.  It was a day filled with tears and why asking and physical pain inside my body.  The weight on my chest pushed harder than usual.  I felt times of despair and panic.  And then, last night, something sort of shifted in me and I was ok.  Not great, but ok.  Bo and Whit made us laugh, we all ate together and watched a movie, and for one second we could glimpse "normal."  It wasn't much, and I am not sure I liked our new normal, but it was at least a sign that the pain and emptiness may one day subside.

Yesterday I read in one of my books that about a little boy who was very, very sick with cancer  entered into remission.  His parents made the comment that they knew he was alive because of all the prayers he had received.  It was a "miracle."  The prayers "worked."  Well, we had people all across the United States and it seemed like everyone in Atlanta, praying for Webb when he was in the hospital.  Why didn't ours work?  Why didn't we didn't we get our miracle?  It couldn't possibly be that the prayers for the other child were more powerful, more "compelling?"  I do believe in the power of prayer, but why does God answer some and not others?  That is a question I realize people have been asking for centuries.  I know we still have to pray and keep praying, but at times like these it seems almost powerless to do so.  God certainly could have given us our miracle if he had wanted to, but he didn't.  If he couldn't have kept Webb alive, then that means He is powerless, which we know is not true.  I have to believe there is a deeper reason for us not getting our miracle, possibly so Webb did not have to endure the months and pain of treatment (which I am so thankful he did not), but I am still perplexed about the power of prayer.  I believe in it, but for the first time, I am confused about it.  I am reminded as I read my Scripture that God allowed His own Son great suffering and death for a greater reason.  He surely does not want us to suffer, especially His own Son, so there has to be more to it than him picking and choosing what prayers to answer.  I pray that as I continue to read His Word, I will ask Him for understanding on that issue.   That said, please continue to pray for our strength, peace and unity during what still is a devastating time for us.  I have learned that although the thing we were praying most for (Webb's life) did not happen, the closeness we feel to God and each other must be due to all of the prayers.